Firm friendship is the key to your success

Twice. Two fortune cookies in a row tell me this.
On this day of Thanksgiving, I am grateful for my friends above everything else (except my parents, my husband and my kids, maybe).

Everynight, I lightly wish I were dead or be close to the end of my life. For trivial reasons, mostly related to my unsuccessful events at work. And I don't want to face problems or fix them. It seems much simpler to just leave them behind to someone else. Of course that will be unprofessional and morally wrong. But if I am dead, how can anyone blame me?

I have no basic "survival, fighting to stay alive" sort of problems. I am healthy. People whom I care are mostly very healthy. None of them are suffering from maltreatment at school, work, etc. I have a steady job with a fair amount of challenges and opportunities. More than some, less than others. Average, or slightly above average when compared to other people in my profession among the first world countries. We own our apartment. There is no civil war in the country I live. Just occasional terrorist attacks, like most other industrialized countries who go and airstrike terrorists on their turf. The city I live in is very safe. I can walk home from a nearby train station passed midnight without fearing for my life.

People who have these issues appear to want to continue living... from distance, from where I can see that's how it seems. They want to survive. They want to live. I, on the other hand, take my life for granted and I wish for "success." But apparently, I would rather "die" than make the necessary effort to be successful. Oh, my. I am spoiled.

I don't have to make any effort to stay alive. That's extremely fortunate because if I had to fight to live, I probably would be dead very quickly. Or perhaps, I will surprise myself by becoming a real warrior and show tremendous will to live. Perhaps, that's how most (or many) people are. We only become motivated when our lives (or the lives of those who matter) are in peril. Then even I will show some sign of life. Otherwise, we become life's lazy freeloaders. I certainly am.

Ah, if I can convince myself that I am actually dying, I can gather my **it together and fix the variable temperature insert, review that article, write more articles, read more articles, make that call to the market research lab, setup the stereo microscope and cook decent dinner for my kids.