The road appears under the feet of the one going

It's 5:30 AM. It's the first day of school (and work). I wake up with a pounding heart like a school child. Because I didn't finish my homework. Being 45 years old and no longer a student, I will not be scolded or punished by the teachers, of course. Rather, the endless to-do list, the low production rate and disapproval and disappointment by my colleagues will do the job of a teacher.  Sleep deprivation for the next several weeks, no months. Yes months 'til mid-May this year. I have not even sorted out my to-do list to determine what to do first. In fact, it has gotten too scary to make the list.

What scares me the most is my diminished mental capacity. In 2015, I have lost the ability to juggle between the parental and professional duties, while I appear to juggle between various professional tasks (at work) just fine. But I cannot get hardly any work done once I come home. I become a mother (not even a wife) and .... that's it. I cannot complete a single task for my work until the next morning. If this is a form of "burn-out" it has lasted over 7 months now. If it is not, then I am suffering from a sort of dementia. A scary thought, indeed.

No matter. I will have to show up at work in less than 3 hours. And I have to start getting the job done. Must make that lengthy To-Do list that I dread making, reading, then adding more. It will be not be an easy, or even an okay start this year. It will be a busy, confusing, and likely an impossible start. But it's a start and I have to life my leg, turn my brain on and get going. And I pray to no one in particular that my brain will start, then may the road appear under my feet.