I have a strange feeling that this quote comes from a Disney movie.
It's only fun when you know somewhere in your heart that it can be done. Right now, I don't know if my goals are atteinable at all. They probably aren't. At least not with my skills and now with my brain. I lack the expertise. I lack the intelligence. I am frightened. The hole is getting deeper and deeper. It stopped being fun, but having fun is the only way out of this.... that and just quitting, which is not really a viable option. Because quitting will endanger someone else's career.
I need to dig another, side hole and crawl my way up.
If I can pull this off, I can finally quit, or rise above.
It's raining outside, again.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Monday, May 4, 2015
Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.
Yes, I fear and dread the reactions and the judgements that I (we) will receive if we are to speak up. But I have to, we have to before it's too late. And I am not talking about some human rights movement. Just a report on our research results. So why am I so hesistant and scare to disclose what we have discovered? Why am I of being told that someone *thinks* we are wrong?
Lately, my professional life has taken a larger dimension in my life. It has become non-dissociable from my life itself, and more imprtantly from myself. Being denied of my conclusions and being criticized on the work into which I (we) have put in so much energy, is now a judgement on who I am and what I stand for. Isomorphism, a term I have recently learned at a career orientation event. On a nantional level, apparently, France suffers from "isomorphism." French society cannot dissciate its identity, its "raison d'être" from the methods it uses to run its society. Changing the way they function or produce touches its identity such that it cannot accept any changes (at least not easily). An extreme opposite example given was, a-hem, Japan. Japanese society, strongly anchored on the philosophy of "wa-kon-kan-sai" and "wa-kon-yo-sai" can easily accept new and foreign methods while keeping its sould intact. Oh, really?
On a personal level, however.... I have become progressively isomorphic on the professional front. It's probably related to the fact that I am growing older. And this is a very negative development because it slows me down. I require more and more (self) pep-talk to force myself to tackle unpleasant tasks. At the same time, we build who we are with what we do. So it is not surprising that the older we get, the more challenging it becomes to change our ways. The general rule applies. The old people are more conservative. In fact, the old conservative people are just scared people who do not want to be denied of their existence and their legitimacy.
So... the fact that I cannot seem to start re-writing this darn paper and submit it to elsewhere... is it simply the sign of getting old? Is isomorphism an inevitable fact of getting old? Am I old and scared? If so, that's silly. If not, well, I guess I am just lazy. Either way, there's only one way out of this self-loathing.
Work is work, so let's get to work. It's not me. It's just my work. If this doens't work, I will try something else. It's just work. Let's get to work. Let's get it done.
Lately, my professional life has taken a larger dimension in my life. It has become non-dissociable from my life itself, and more imprtantly from myself. Being denied of my conclusions and being criticized on the work into which I (we) have put in so much energy, is now a judgement on who I am and what I stand for. Isomorphism, a term I have recently learned at a career orientation event. On a nantional level, apparently, France suffers from "isomorphism." French society cannot dissciate its identity, its "raison d'être" from the methods it uses to run its society. Changing the way they function or produce touches its identity such that it cannot accept any changes (at least not easily). An extreme opposite example given was, a-hem, Japan. Japanese society, strongly anchored on the philosophy of "wa-kon-kan-sai" and "wa-kon-yo-sai" can easily accept new and foreign methods while keeping its sould intact. Oh, really?
On a personal level, however.... I have become progressively isomorphic on the professional front. It's probably related to the fact that I am growing older. And this is a very negative development because it slows me down. I require more and more (self) pep-talk to force myself to tackle unpleasant tasks. At the same time, we build who we are with what we do. So it is not surprising that the older we get, the more challenging it becomes to change our ways. The general rule applies. The old people are more conservative. In fact, the old conservative people are just scared people who do not want to be denied of their existence and their legitimacy.
So... the fact that I cannot seem to start re-writing this darn paper and submit it to elsewhere... is it simply the sign of getting old? Is isomorphism an inevitable fact of getting old? Am I old and scared? If so, that's silly. If not, well, I guess I am just lazy. Either way, there's only one way out of this self-loathing.
Work is work, so let's get to work. It's not me. It's just my work. If this doens't work, I will try something else. It's just work. Let's get to work. Let's get it done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)